Book Review 1 — Love Without Limits

This book has taught me one thing — how to woo women the right way!

Kidding lah, but this has nonetheless been a really insightful read because in this story, renowned evangelist Nick Vujicic shares his insights, tips & tricks on how to pursue the woman you love, and the one God chose for you. Ultimately, you will end up enjoined as one flesh, united & tightly bonded with cords of love. But, as with any relationship, it takes a lot of hard work, patience & self-sacrifice. Allow me to share the key points & takeaways I had from this book, and also some reflections on the current dating culture that has so tarnished biblical courtship and romance, degrading something of immeasurable value and worth to something common and without-an-afterthought.

Points & Advice (the key ones at least for this stage of life :P):

1. There is more to love than physical attraction. Like most red-blooded young men who are interested in anything related to sex, his early crushes were the result of magnetic attraction. He was specific & focused on who he liked. Even though he started liking all the pretty girls, focusing only on them, he now firmly is convicted that there is more to love than physical attraction. The trouble is that if these individuals who have striking inner beauty don’t fit our narrow-minded concept of “beauty” and “perfection”, we immediately cast them aside and fail to give them a chance. Importantly, we should be open to meeting and getting to know anyone who wants to know us. You will (most of the time) make many friends, and sometimes you might just find Mr/Mrs Right. As Proverbs 31:30 says, Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the LORD, she shall be praised.
2. Being rejected is normal, and even beneficial. As German philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche said: That which does not kill us, makes us stronger. Indeed, when boys pluck up the courage to ask out a girl, and they get rebuffed, they withdraw into their shell of despair & their swamp of despondency and decide to host a one-man show — a pity party. We think that no one else has suffered like we are, we are all alone. The truth is that everyone has their own stories of rejection & failed love/affection — even the most popular/pretty/hot girls and guys have their own insecurities and challenges. Even if it is painful at the time, dealing with hurts & challenges can make us stronger, more empathetic, resilient, understanding and kind towards others. As one good reverend said — With God, things are always fine at the end. If things are not fine, it is not the end!
3. God never shortchanges us. There is an old saying — ‘When God closes a door, He opens a window.’ He may take something away, but only because He has other plans for your life, plans that are better than you can ever fathom or imagine. As Jeremiah puts it in Lamentations 3:22–23, “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness!” You may be in a season of loneliness and heartache, but this too shall pass. Take it as a time to learn, mature, to build yourself up and ensure you are more worthy of love. Never give up. Strengthen and ready yourself for the time God will reveal His choice for you — He is faithful and true.

OK, now moving onto my own personal experiences. What are some of the key things I’ve learnt?

Take the demand curve to be a boy’s interest in a relationship, and the supply curve to be a girl’s interest in a relationship.

1. As a relationship starts out, the boy is super-into the chick. He’s horny, happy and he most certainly has the hots for her! Thus, (with the quantity axis taken to be timeframe), as the relationship initially begins at the origin, the boy’s interest in her is at an all-time high, he being on cloud nine. Yet in sharp contrast, the girl’s interest in him starts off low (hmm wonder why). Yet, the boy’s interest as time goes on fades & the girl’s trajectory is essentially vice versa. Once the equilibrium point is fulfilled, res ipsa loquitur. So, don’t be in a rush for a relationship. It takes a lot of patience, nurturing and loving. Are you prepared for the trouble? And for the guys at least, are you willing to give up what you have for her?
2. Personally speaking, don’t be too desperate for a girl. I know fishy Internet websites tell you to seize the day and go all out for her, but from personal experience and recommendation, it will almost always backfire. Good solid relationships between lovers almost always start off as strong friendships, platonic and devoid of sexual tension and the complications that come alongside it. I tried too hard, and suffered unwittingly for too long. It’s not a good feeling when the girl you are infatuated with controls every aspect of your life — when you eat, bathe, do your work, study etc. It can potentially even reach the point when you lament and moan so much about that your closest confidantes and friends tell you to shut up! Because hearing a lovesick friend go on moaning about the lack of reciprocity is absolutely unbearable. So do yourself a favour — it’s always good to experience a bit of loss and rejection, because they are not rejecting you as a person, but they reject what you have done. Build yourself up, keep it cool and one day, as long as you are faithful and sincere, God will reward you with someone you can grow old together with!
3. Ever since the sexual emancipation & revolution of the 1960s birthed out a sexual libertine ethos, old-style courtship where a guy asked a girl out has been replaced by the casual nature of dating. I can’t be bothered to list out all the differences because I’m brain-dead, so here is a link for your perusal (https://iblp.org/questions/how-courtship-different-dating). Anyways, whatever it is (up to your personal preference), courtship is generally better than dating because it runs much closer to the biblical mold — Courtship builds up a relationship between a man and a woman in which they seek to determine if it is God’s will for them to marry each other. It is a commitment to marriage, whereas dating in the modern sense of the word is when a male & female have fun together without any long-term commitment to marriage or each other.

Anyways, last point — don’t date while in secondary school / Junior College, unless you feel you are super prepared for it and that everything is stable and good i.e. you are like scoring super-high marks and your CCA record / friendships are blemish-free. Then please go ahead. For the remainder of us mortals (99% at least) who cannot handle so much stress at once especially when break-ups happen (trust me, it is super ugly and it doesn’t just affect the 2 parties directly), please delay courting. This is no mean feat — even Donald Trump was still at it past 50. And for the guys, not a good idea to date while you are doing your NS. When your girlfriend is in university and finds some hot dude who is more financially, emotionally, physiologically and mentally secure, umm…